Sheva Alomar - Resident Evil 5
Shinji Mikami’s Resident Evil 4 was an absolute masterpiece, which left Capcom’s team unenviably big boots to fill for the next in the series. While Resi 5 never reached its predecessor’s heights, it was still a thoroughly enjoyable, co-operative romp, and a fittingly dramatic end for series big bad Wesker. Unfortunately, you could also play it alone.
Foolishly choose to jump in solo and you’d be partnered up with an AI Sheva who wasn’t just stupid, but needlessly greedy too. Along with standing by gormlessly while you’re overrun by infected, Sheva also chewed through your shared pool of ammo and health like a dog in a box of chocolates. And just like real life pets, it was down to you, the responsible human, to deal with your baby AI’s mistakes. Look Sheva, we’re sorry for shouting, we just really needed those shotgun shells to stop this tentacle boss from tearing us apart.
Natalya Simonova - Goldeneye 007 (64)
Widely hailed as a genre-defining FPS, it’s easy to forget that Goldeneye 64 also had some of the most infuriating escort missions we’ve ever played. As a level 2 programmer for the Russian Space Forces, Natalya Simonova seemed surprisingly nonplussed by gunfire. In fact, during the four levels in which you had to protect her, she’d consistently take every chance place herself directly between Bond and his targets. Combine that with a miniscule health bar and friendly fire, and you’ve got all the ingredients required for controller-destroying fits of rage.
Every Skyrim companion who blocked a doorway
Okay, we may have included Lydia in our list of good AI companions, but that’s only because we forgot the number of times she trapped us in a cave or house, stoically blocking the only exit to the room. You could sometimes lure them further inside before sprinting round to freedom, but if that didn’t work then the only choices left to you were to fast travel out or send them flying with a Fus Roh Dah. Well, that or starve. Could you not just back up a couple of inches there Aela? I’ve got dragons to slay. You’d think being the head of the Mages Guild, leader of the Dark Brotherhood and general savior of the world would merit at least this basic level of courtesy. Then again, considering all the junk we forced them to carry, we’re pretty sure this was their passive aggressive way of getting back at us.
